A Companion Constantly Focuses On Her Topics: Is It Time to Cut Her Off?
Our friends with a woman, a person who's overcome many hardships, and I respect her for that. However, she's repeatedly blindsided by people. Her partner left her, and it was an unexpected event. Several of close acquaintances drifted away then, because they seemed only interested in the spouse. This surprised her deeply. She made greater energy in our friendship, probably understood more clearly what friendship was.
A Recurring Theme With Friends Drifting Away
In the time since, quite a few of her friends have drifted apart leaving her knowing the cause. Her last employer turned on her, although she had been highly competent, she departed unaware of why things shifted.
Current Dynamics
Lately, both of us stepped back from work and are seeing frequent meetups, yet I realize my position in our friendship is as the audience. I introduce discussion points and she changes the talk toward things she cares about. Regarding political views, she expresses unyielding views. I try to suggest verifying facts and alternate views.
She has been planning a trip to a nation I know well repeatedly and lived in for some time. My intention was to offer insights, yet it was not welcomed. She essentially just desired my agreement with her choices. I have ended a month in that country and she wants to meet, however, I hesitate.
Evaluating the Situation
I hesitate to be a friend who cuts and runs abruptly, however, I feel she can grasp the effect of her behaviour on how I feel about myself. Right now, I am in avoidance mode. What's the best step?
Possible Paths
You could end things abruptly, yet this is not often the easy answer we hope for. Yet having a direct talk with the goal of a solution takes courage and willingness on both your parts.
Experts suggest trying a useful conflict resolution tool:
"The first step requires explaining what typically happens in your conversations. It should be based on facts and basically what a recording device would replay. The second is to express her how it affects you emotionally. This allows for no disagreement here. Emotions are valid, of course. The third step is to ask how the two of you can shift the pattern of your friendship."
Keep in mind that she also holds perspectives, thus requiring you to be prepared to hear that. One effective method is telling her:
"Please share your thoughts and I promise to listen without interrupting for a set time."This can be impactful in fostering mutual respect.
Final Thoughts
Your friend may dismiss everything, as some people have a self-protecting mindset: they have a narrative about themselves they're unable to let go of because their very survival relies on it and it represents they trust. It's tough because there's no thoroughfare with these people, only cul-de-sacs. But she may initially present like this before reflecting your perspective. And should you don't achieve a fix, it provides closure knowing you were open and direct.
